Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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