She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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