mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
