I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I need to calm my uterus...
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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