I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
