How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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