wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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