oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Never underestimate the power of titties
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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