No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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