Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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