Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Randomize
