Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
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For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
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There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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