I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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