Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
