I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize