It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
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Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
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If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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