I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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