she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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