I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
we should paint friendship bongs
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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