there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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