Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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