Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
