Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Two words: nipple clamps
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