Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
