I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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