the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
