hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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