so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.