i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
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the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
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You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday