I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
