you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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