took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
