OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
