I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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