My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
