So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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