they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
