I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize