I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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