whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
sarcasm needs its own font
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
