So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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