everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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