so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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