WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
