3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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