During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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