I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
