as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
