Kiss
Puke
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Quick, to the slutcave!
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
