I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
