you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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