the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize