There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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