meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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