I seem to have left my pride at pride
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
