so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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