I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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