sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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