We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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