White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
