Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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