Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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