i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
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He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
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I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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